Friday, March 12, 2010

The CU, Waterloo Iowa

While enjoying a relaxing weekend away with friends in Cedar Falls, Iowa, we took a trip down the road to neighboring Waterloo for an evening of drinks and merriment. This is not the kind of restaurant one would expect to find in Middle of Nowhere, Iowa, let me tell you. The atmosphere is romantic, quiet, and intimate (which was immediately disrupted by myself, my friends, and our company). The food is exquisite, with a large variety of dishes on the menu, and the cocktails are to die for. Have a German Chocolate, or two, or three while you're there.

I could not have visited such a high class establishment without pooping. The restroom is a single, which was a good choice for a small scale venue with minimal patron traffic. There on a Saturday night, I experienced no wait for the restroom and no one standing outside to pressure me while I was performing. The space is well decorated, painted red with slate grey tiles and adorned with fine art by Picasso and Monet. A lovely cherry wood table with a fragrant floral arrangement is set up directly across from the toilet, providing the perfect space to leave one's coat or purse, and the perfect cover of any undesirable and lingering odor.

The toilet paper is basic two ply, which always knocks off a point in my book, but they truly redeem themselves with the foaming soap at their white pedestal sink. This restroom could definitely benefit from a full-length mirror, but this is one of very few setbacks to this lovely space.

The CU Restaurant, Waterloo, IA
rating: 8/10

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Loring Pasta Bar

This is one of my absolute favorite restaurants. I pretty much have only good things to say about this place. It's unique, it's romantic, there's great atmosphere, great music, fantastic food, and a full bar. My only complaint is that their penchant for hiring hipster wait staff results in often slow service. Only go here if you don't have a time limit! Trust me, it's worth it.

The Loring Pasta Bar

Now, if you are the type who loves to escape from reality and step into an imaginary world where anything can happen, then this is the bathroom for you. Taking a shit at Loring Pasta Bar is like taking a shit in Narnia.

The bathroom is built out of sandy colored uneven brick and dimly lit by chandeliers and star lamps. Its wacky shape does not allow for standard sized stalls and the doors don't quite fit, giving that element of danger and the risk of an unsolicited peek at your goodies. Because the brick bathroom walls do not rise all the way to the ceiling, music, bar bustle, and conversation can be heard from inside the bathroom. This background noise creates the perfect cover up for any business you may be attending to.

The toilets are very standard, a bit of nostalgia from the days of high school bathroom gossip sessions. The bowl itself is white, with an industrial black seat. The toilet paper is two-ply and a bit rough, clearly a generic brand, but never once have i used this toilet without paper in full supply. In case of an emergency, there is a cabinet next to the hand-washing-zone full of paper products.

There are two mismatched sinks with huge shower head faucets and the soap dispensers produce foaming soap, which is always a treat. The restroom is always clean, with close attention paid to picking up any stray paper that makes its way on the floor so as not to tarnish the image of the mystical dream land.

All in all, this bathroom allows you to poop with 98% privacy in an immaculate fairytale world where you would not be surprised to see a unicorn washing his hooves at the sink next to you.

Rating: 9

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Rock Bottom Brewery

At the request of many friends, family members, and co-workers, i am writing a review of Rock Bottom Minneapolis.

Let me begin by saying that the food is great, the beer is better, and the atmosphere is tops. This restaurant has the talent of providing a fantastic family dining experience, as well as a fun bar night with music, pool, and games.

If only the bathrooms could share this glowing review.

When first entering the ladies room you are blasted in the face with an unpleasant burst of air coming from the ceiling vent. The bathroom is tiled in red on the floor and half way up the walls, creating a cavernous echo effect, which amplifies the natural sounds that one could possibly be making during their upcoming intestinal release.

The restroom is separated into four stalls, one of which is handicap accessible. This is usually the stall of choice for a pooper, however, the toilet seat was loose, which was startling to say the least when i sat down. I quickly moved stalls and began the process. The bathroom itself is cold, uninviting, and awkwardly quiet, as the music in the restaurant is not piped into the bathroom. The pooper lives in fear of being walked in on, for in this all-too-personal space, nothing is sacred and all noises are heard. Two of the bathroom stalls are partially missing locks- succeeding in securing the door, but leaving a lock-sized peep hole through which to be exposed to any unsuspecting passers by. However, advertisements of upcoming Rock Bottom events provide for pleasurable reading to pass the time.

The toilet paper is two-ply, which is a plus, but not plush by any means. The sinks are very temperature-sensitive, so one must be very careful not to scald themselves while using the hot water. There are 4 mirrors and a small sinkless vanity to provide a space to gussy up without being in the way of hand washers. The towel dispensers are motion activated, and the bathroom door opens out into the hallway, eliminating the need to touch a door handle when exiting.

All in all this is a classic bar bathroom. It is often dirty, crowded, and full of unusual smells.

Rating: 4.5/10