The Fremont, Des Moines

This little gem is just a short bike ride from Des Moines's East Village. At East 9th and Fremont, it's a favorite hangout in a blue collar neighborhood. Naked women and retro album covers grace the black walls. With sporadic live music, it draws a late night crowd and is seldom busy before ten. Also, they have a good bathroom.

His and hers on the west end of the building, the ladies room features a sturdy hook and eye lock system, giving me the confidence to pee freely knowing that no one's going to barge in. It felt like being wrapped in the embrace of a burly pirate. A bare bulb hangs garishly over a wood grain toilet seat, a memento from your grandparents' cabin. The flusher is a little soft, so be sure to depress it for a good couple seconds. But if your pee is as clear as mine by the time you break the seal, it doesn't really matter.

That's what I like to see

The sink is modern, sunken into the counter with a hygienic stack of tri-fold paper towels to the side. I suspect the unnaturally blue hand soap itself is some Amway brand, but it's in a fancy-looking bottle. Points for the effort. A mirror above the sink reflects back to a smaller mirror hanging above the toilet, if you need to see the back of your head to comb out the sex hair, or whatever the case may be.

Overall, the single stall is clean and female-friendly, the hand soap seems to work, and there's always toilet paper. For a sausage-fest bar with pinup girls all over the walls, the women's room is happily hospitable.

See their website here.

Rating: 7.4/10

The Grasshopper Cafe

While visiting family and friends for the holidays in historic Charlestown, MA, we happened upon a neighborhood restaurant called The Grasshopper Cafe. This charming establishment has all of the things I love about a small town restaurant:

-Upper middle aged wait staff with thick Boston accents who instantly make you feel like a regular
-All day breakfast menu (Yessss)
-Local produce/dairy suppliers
-Good Frickin' Food

Their large menu offers a little something for everyone, and practically everything can be ordered vegetarian (if you're into that sort of thing...) I myself had a veggie burger that was delicious, and their fries are home made. Duh.

After consuming my sizable lunch I felt that all too familiar pressure down south, indicating a need to use the lavatory. I don't know about you guys, but my digestive tract responds almost instantly upon eating a meal, making way for the new food to make the miracle journey from mouth, to stomach, to bowl. (obviously I glossed over some important steps in the middle there, but you get the point.)

I needed to ask where the restroom was, as it was tucked away down a back hallway that also leads to the kitchen. Depending on my mood, this can either add or dock points. I love the idea of a secluded place to work, but I also know that when it's time to get the job done, it needs to be done right away. The precious moments spent searching for the rest room could result in a humiliating public passing of gas, or worse, so I like to find the bowl as soon as humanly possible.

I was greeted by a single unisex commode, which, again, is hit or miss. If done right, the single bathroom is my favorite. If neglected, it's a nightmare. This bathroom, fortunately, falls in the favorite category. Delightfully decorated for the Christmas season, stuffed woodland creatures in Santa hats hung from every hook and knob, making spirits bright. A strategically placed potpourri Christmas tree sat in the corner filling the room with the light cent of cinnamon, cloves, and children's laughter. Toilet paper was your basic one ply, but these docket points were quickly made up for in its proximity to the kitchen, where the clattering of pots and pans easily covers any incriminating sounds.

The toilet, tile floor, and sink were quite clean, but for the standard bits of toilet paper and towel here and there. Nothing offensive. Everything from the toilet paper, to the towels, to the soap was full to the brim as though a Christmas elf had JUST replaced it before I walked in. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a single stall without paper products - there is NO ONE around to assist you.

The sink had a large slanted mirror that could be used as a full length by simply stepping backward toward the door. This is always a plus, as I like to make absolutely sure I'm in tip top condition before exiting the restroom.

I will most certainly return the next time I am in Boston!

Rating: 8/10

Reconnecting to the Poopiverse

Wow, guys. It's really been a while since we chatted. I wanted to send you an update and let you know that I have NOT abandoned you, forgotten you, or neglected to shit over the past few weeks. In all honesty, my shitting has likely been at an all time high this holiday season.

With Christmas and the New Year come and gone, I find myself back to the old routine. As we begin 2012 I solemnly vow to uphold my duty of producing dooty and letting you know how it all went.

Stay tuned, I'll be kicking it off with a review of a restaurant in Boston, MA, and the world's most bizarre poop facts!

Toilet Paper Crafts!

On a tight budget this Holiday season? Let The Poop Spot help you out with "Toilet Paper Crafts"

Holiday Toilet Tips

Happy Thanksgiving, poopers! On this special day, when food is the focus, the toilet is everyone's final destination. If you're hosting, this means that your bathroom needs as much attention as your dining room. Here are some tips for keeping this oft-overlooked room as tasteful as the rest of your home:

Keep the door lightly closed. Not all the way, of course, so people know that it isn't in use. But no one likes walking past the bathroom and catching a waft of Grandma's movement, especially if you'd like to retain your appetite.

Stock extra rolls of T.P. You wouldn't want to be stuck at your boyfriend's step-sister's uncle's house, screaming for another roll of tissue to any random relative walking past. Limited embarrassment is the name of the game here.

Don't spray it. Aerosol spray cans are not only tacky, but bad for the environment. They also rarely smell good to everyone. It's also painfully obvious that you've just dropped a deuce when the whole bathroom smells like baby powder and springtime mountains. Instead, a decorative bowl of some pungent potpourri will do the trick. Lemon has been rated as the most attractive scent - put one cup of straight lemon juice in a bowl and leave it on the counter for a pleasing fragrance. Cedar chips also do wonders. If you have the counter space, a fresh floral arrangement can often be all you need.

Don't neglect the linens. A soggy hand towel is offensive. There, I said it. If you have the means, a small stack of tri-fold paper towels are the safest bet.

Keep a plunger in the room. Dads and uncles frequently require plungers, and it's just one more thing that would be extremely embarrassing to ask the host/ess for. Discreetly stash one in the latrine for such critical moments.

Predict human behavior. People snoop - it's human nature. Hiding your condoms and crazy pills in the mirror cabinet above the sink is not a good plan.

Lighting, lighting, lighting. Nothing says classy like a well-lit bathroom. Something as simple as tea lights can cast a lovely glow even when no one's using the bathroom. Added bonus: An open flame neutralizes unwanted odors.

Follow our advice and you will have happy house guests for the holidays. Best of luck!

Eat Your Heart Out this Holiday Season!

Americans gobble up 46 million turkeys at Thanksgiving. That works out to almost 3 pounds of poultry per person who partakes in the feast, according to statistics from the National Turkey Federation. Come on, people, this is AMERICA. We can do better than that. Here are a few tips on how to maximize your food consumption this holiday season.
1.WRONG: Starving yourself in preparation: if you limit your food intake to lead up to the BIG meal, your stomach will shrink in size to accommodate for that empty space. Poop Spot Tip: eat many small meals/snacks throughout the day to keep yourself full at all times in the few days leading up to the feast. On the morning of the meal, have a small breakfast, and nibble on some crackers to tide you over before the games begin. Your stretched out tummy will be ready for action!
2.WRONG: Drinking lots of water throughout the meal. This may make your full stomach feel better, but it’s actually taking up a LOT more room in there than you’d think. Poop Spot Tip: Limit your liquid intake on the day of the meal, but be VERY liberal on your consumption of fluids in the days leading up to the meal. It’s an easy way to stretch that stomach!
3.WRONG: Eating Slowly: It takes your stomach approximately 20 minutes to communicate with your brain that you are full. Eating slowly allows for that message to be sent to the brain before you’re fully tapped out. Poop Spot Tip: Eating large portions quickly and then taking a break in between will allow you to consume much more– gotta eat what you can before your brain tells you to stop stuffin’ your face!
4.WRONG: Unbuttoning your pants when you feel full. Now, this is definitely a way to free up space, but we can do one better! Poop Spot Tip: Dresses, Skirts, and Expandable Waist Bands. Don’t EVER restrict your stomach’s ability to stretch by wearing form fitting or tight pants. Leave your jeans and belts at home, people. This is a place for spandex, cotton, and ever expanding waist bands. If you’re REALLY committed, you’ll do a little shopping in the maternity section of your local Target before the big day. Yes, I have actually done that.

Avoid too much salt! Is it delicious? YES. But it makes you retain water, which causes bloating and discomfort! This is counterproductive to your food mission.

All joking aside, we here at The Poop Spot want you to eat safely this Holiday season. DO NOT make yourself sick! Listen to your body. When it’s telling you to stop, STOP! And above all else- when it’s telling you to poop, poop. Then email us about it.

Jake O'Connor's, Excelsior, MN

This warm, dark, delicious little pub is located just down the street from the shore of Lake Minnetonka in the sleepy town of Excelsior, MN. This place is authentic in every detail. How can I tell? Because almost every piece of this bar was built by Irish Woodworkers and sent to be assembled here in Minnesota.

This place has one of those menu's where you can close your eyes and point and you'll be happy with wherever your finger lands. Old fashioned Irish Comfort food done right, 16 beers on tap (not just Guinness- remember, this is a REAL Irish pub!), and an ample selection of wine and spirits.

When you're done stuffing yourself with Irish delights, you'll likely need to take a trip to the toilet. If that's the case, then you are in for a treat. The first thing you'll notice upon entering is the pristine state of the entire room. The black ceramic tile on the floors and walls shines and sparkles without so much as a smudge. The mirrors are spotless and the lighting flattering without being so dim as to obstruct your view for reapplying make-up.

Each stall, if you can even call them stalls, is its own private room with a sturdy floor to ceiling wooden door. This is my absolute favorite restroom design. You can operate in total privacy without the chance of anyone hearing you. The stalls are separated from each other by thick walls, also lined with black ceramic tile. Add the piped in music and you could fart an aria and no one would hear a note.

I have to believe that this bathroom holds some ancient Irish magic inside its very walls. Even foul smells cannot survive here, as the captivating scent of homemade Irish cooking wafts in to silently defeat any foreign stench lingering within. Quite honestly, if I could take my meal in this bathroom, I would.

When you finish and make your way back over to the sink you'll be greeted by an ALWAYS stocked basket of plush disposable hand towels, a faucet that NEVER gets too hot, and a collection of old black and white photographs of staunch Irish grandmothers watching over you and certainly praying for your safe return to the outside world.

Jake O'Connor's, I give you the highest rating for your restrooms: 10/10

Jake O'Connor's Public House