Monday, October 17, 2011


There's another kind of sit-in happening at this very moment all over the country, one which also affects 99% of us. This article from brings up an age-old controversy, one which must be brought into the conversation. Seriously, some of my most stressful minutes have been spent glaring at the girl in line ahead of me at some college town bar bathroom, spending her mental waves telling her she better f-ing hurry up in there or I'm going to lose it as crowds of drunk sorority sisters decide to all go in together and have some kind of fun pee party in there. I'll be honest, I'm not afraid to use the men's room (if it's a single stall), where there is NEVER a line. Why does it take us so long? The sitting down, the wiping, the checking ourselves out in the mirror before reaching for another paper towel to pull open the grimy bathroom door? We're trying to collect some explanations - send us an email and tell us why you think it takes women so much longer to go. Also tell us if you know what "Chtulu" is.
My whole life I have always wanted to know the answer to this question, silly as it may be: Why do women take so long in the bathroom? Are they maybe putting down toilet paper as a protective barrier, doing period-related things, or just enjoying the not-so peaceful moments of time in the ladies' room? Are there scientific studies for this sort of thing? I ask because of recent summer events where there is always broken bathrooms so everyone has to use just one, and the line is always a billion times longer than the guys' line, and I find myself wondering "Why didn't I get up earlier!? I should know by now that it takes at least 10 minutes to get through the line!" I usually try to get the deed done as fast as possible, as public bathrooms at rodeos are awful. But, Lady, why? I must know!
I have no fucking clue! My god, what is with that? I may be biased because I have gotten numerous compliments at bars for how fast I am in the restroom. Seriously, this has happened dozens of times, and my friends are constantly shocked at how fast I excuse myself for the restroom and return to the conversation. So this Lady might not be the right Lady to ask. However, an extremely scientific poll of fellow Ladies tells me that period stuff is one thing and "complicated clothing" is another, though skirts are the easiest thing to pee in and pants really aren't too hard. Are you peeing somewhere where everyone is wearing a romper? A third issue is ladies taking the time to wipe the seat because whoever was before them peed on it. I still have no idea how this happens. Ladies, please, what is it going to take you to stop peeing on the seat?
I can't find any studies about this, but a quick Google search about women and length of pee time actually brings up a fair amount of stuff about men taking longer to pee, so there's that. Related: Is it just me, or does this vaginal diagram on the Female Urination Wikipedia page look like Chtulu?

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