Sunday, September 18, 2011

Now That Borders Is Closed, Where Do We Poop...?

I'm sure all of you know by now that the long standing book store franchise, Borders Books, has closed its doors after nearly 40 years of operation. Naturally, this end of a cozy place that provided millions with timeless classics, cook books, travel guides, and Harry Potter brings to mind a very important question: Where will we poop?

Shoppers, errand-runners, and city strollers alike have been stopping into Borders Books for a quick deuce since the franchise expanded nationally. That quiet single stalled restroom tucked away in some uncharted corner of the self help section was a safe place to slip in, drop a Dumpledore, and slip out completely unnoticed. The miracle of it all was that the bathroom seems to always be vacant, as though there was some sort of unspoken schedule shared by the universe.

Now we wander aimlessly without that safe haven, that beacon of rescue, and we wonder where we are to go.

Well, The Poop Spot has a few suggestions that we only hope will ease the pain of this terrible loss.

1. The Library There's something about the peace and serenity of being surrounded by literature that sets the tone for taking care of business. Also, you can rest assured that people are too deeply involved in their reading to notice you enter the restroom, let alone how long you're in there or how much noise you're making.

2. The Grocery Store A restroom is usually the last thing on a person's mind when shopping for food. Most grocery store restrooms go unused, mostly because they are very difficult to locate within the store. Ask a clerk to save yourself the search, but I assure you - It'll be vacant.

3. The Mall Some of the classiest, cleanest, most comfortable restrooms I have ever had the pleasure of crapping in are located in a Mall. I prefer to use a department store restroom. Something about walking through a Pepto Bismol pink lounge with a chaise and a chandelier makes me feel like a Queen. Best of all, it's totally public and no one cares that you're not buying a thing.

4. Campus Buildings Now, you can really only get away with this if you're under the age of 35, but it's a great solution if you live in a college city. I work in a neighborhood set on the outskirts of the University of Minnesota campus and am virtually surrounded by bustling campus buildings with lobby bathrooms. With students of various ages coming and going with great frequency throughout the day, one can blend right in and slip into one of the many a restrooms in the building, usually located on the first floor. Maybe even hit up that coffee shop on the second floor of the Carlson School Of Management when you're done...

So there you have it, a small gift of knowledge that will help you in your ever evolving search for the best public, or semi-public restrooms in this world.

And special thanks to Theo for sparking this topic of conversation. Get your sticker request in ASAP, buddy.

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