Pooping at Work

I, like many Americans, spend most of my waking hours at work. I spend my days in a closed off cubicle, surrounded by dozens of other closed off cubicles, on the second of many floors of a white-collar urban office building. All those industrious adults, drinking their coffee, bowels churning. They all have to poop sometime, right? I know of few people who can hold their breakfast all day, every day. The tragedy is those vacuous, sterilized, ten-stall hallways they call restrooms. The stuff of nightmares! I've scoured the building for a single-stall latrine, even asked a custodian, and there's not one. To be sure, the president of the company has his own office suite with an adjoining bath, swathed in marble with a claw-foot tub and a Rhesus monkey to wipe his butt. What about us plebeians? You know, the ones with IBS? WHAT! ABOUT! US!

After my petitions to the board went ignored, I have accepted this daily burden and developed a few tactics to avoid uncomfortable pooping-at-work predicaments. Allow me to share with you...

TEN TIPS FOR POOPING AT WORK
(Because getting paid to poop feels oh-so-sweet)

1. Choose your stall wisely. Many choose the last stall of the row to reduce the risk of someone occupying next to you. Typically, the last stall is the handicap-accessible one. I have nervous flashes of a blind, armless midget veteran coming in, mid-movement, bumping her way to the last stall and knocking her shoulders into the door, confused as to why it's locked because she is the only legitimately handicapped person on this floor. I sheepishly call out "Just a second!" then have to fake a limp when I come out five minutes later, the fiery glares of my coworkers washing their hands reflecting in the wall-to-wall mirror. That's just a scenario I'd personally rather avoid, so I go for the last able-bodied stall.

*Fun Fact: Because people tend to assume the first stall is the one that's used the most, it's usually the stall used the least often, and therefore contains the least amount of bacteria.

2. The Warning Flush. My momma taught me this one. Flush the toilet if you feel a noise coming on to mask the sound. Timing is key for this one. Improper use can result in further embarrassment, like clearing your throat in the middle of a crowded room and THEN farting.

3. Wait for the next cycle. If you've already blown your cover and everyone knows you're pooping, just wait until they organically rotate out and a fresh batch of innocents comes in. None will be the wiser. Of course, this is where it gets risky. Read on, my friends.

4. The Standoff. Sometimes you just gotta wait it out, especially if there's only one other person in the bathroom. But be careful, because this strategy can backfire in two ways: First, the other person might have to poop, too. This will result in a painfully awkward war of wills to see who will give up and leave first. Both parties pooping at the same time in a harmonious, judgment-free duet is simply unrealistic. But kudos to you if this ever happens to you, it's truly a gift. Second, by waiting for the other party to leave, you're opening yourself up to the risk of more people coming in, and more, and more, for the rest of the day. What would your boss think? Your jacket and purse and cellphone (well, maybe not your cellphone--see Tip #8) are still at your desk. Have you been abducted? Did you up and quit? You would surely get reprimanded for spending the entire day in the john.

5. Use the available props to create an illusion. This is practical if you are faced with a standoff. If it's not an em-URGE-ency and opting out of the whole operation is still a viable option, but you still feel you've spent a significant amount of time waiting for the other person to give in first, you can pull out the period card to make your exit less shameful. Sometimes I open and close the tampon box lid loudly, so the other person thinks, "Ohh, that's it. Just period stuff," therefore depressurizing the entire situation.
Side note: I find standoffs quite rude. I firmly believe that if the standoff is obvious, and both parties are sitting in uncomfortable silence for several moments, the second party should surrender first and leave the first party to finish what they've undoubtedly started. But that's just me.

6. Indulge in vanity for a moment. If there are people in the bathroom when you first enter, you can pretend to fix your hair or makeup in the mirror (because you probably don't actually care that much) until they leave. I steer clear of this one because your coworkers coming out of the stalls might try to strike up a conversation. I don't like opening my mouth in public bathrooms, so I prefer to leave food and speaking outside.

7. Know your rush hours. The prime time for workplace pooping is while everyone else is at lunch. This is a large part of the reason I eat at my desk. The bathrooms are usually quietest between noon and 1:15, so use that time wisely. I also factor in digestive times: A lot of people drink pop with their lunch, and that tends to run its course (rather, your course) by about 2:15. You get the gassiest lot around 3:30. Beware, the traffic tends to spike again shortly before five, because people don't want to be stuck in their cars in tortuous urban gridlock with a full bladder. Not with all that Pepsi they had at lunch.

8. Bring your phone. Duh. The New York Daily News says that about 75% of Americans use their phone to text, surf the web, play games, or make phone calls while in the bathroom. Obviously, never make a phone call in the restroom at work. If this isn't a given, then you should re-evaluate your standards for professionalism and general grossness. That said, I value having my phone in the bathroom simply as a distraction. For an anxious person, it's always a challenge to go #1 OR #2 in a public latrine, so it helps pass the time to play a round or two of Words With Friends. (Challengers, now you know the truth.) Hygiene is still a factor, so you should be mindful of what you're touching and where you set your phone. And never stick your phone in your back pocket, because there is a very high chance that it will fall into the toilet. I've learned that one the hard way several times.

9. Go incognito. If it's recognition you're concerned about, consider stashing a different pair of shoes at your desk. That way your coworkers won't recognize you from under the stall door and you can poop without worry of negative social consequences.

10. Just don't give a shit. This comes from a friend (happy birthday, anonymous friend!) who is much braver than I. She recommends walking in with your head held high, brazenly choosing a stall at random, putting in your headphone with some loud-ish music, and just not giving a shit. So to speak.

The Green Goblin

I had an experience today that prompted me to unshelf a book I received for Christmas this year, a sort of fecal encyclopedia. Check out this terrifying chapter from the book "What's Your Poo Telling You?" by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D.:

The Green Goblin, thought thankfully rare, is an explosion of foul-smelling diarrhea that is characterized by its viridian hue. Although various foods can lend normal poo a greenish tint, this bowel movement's deep-set, blackish green appearance makes it seem as if you are viewing it through night-vision goggles. Also distinguishing this poo from more benign green poos is its liquid form and associated symptoms of fever and abdominal pain. More often than not, this poo transformation occurs following a course of antibiotics for a tooth abscess or sinus infection.

Dr. Stool Says: This diarrheal illness is caused by the overgrowth of a specific bacterium in the colon called Clostridium difficile. The use of the antibiotics upsets the natural balance of "good" and "bad" bacteria in our intestines and allows the proliferation of this particularly harmful organism, which, in turn, results in inflammation of the colonic lining and causes profuse diarrhea, abdominal pain, and fever. Medical treatment is with a different type of antibiotic that specifically attacks Clostridium difficile.

The Fremont, Des Moines

This little gem is just a short bike ride from Des Moines's East Village. At East 9th and Fremont, it's a favorite hangout in a blue collar neighborhood. Naked women and retro album covers grace the black walls. With sporadic live music, it draws a late night crowd and is seldom busy before ten. Also, they have a good bathroom.

His and hers on the west end of the building, the ladies room features a sturdy hook and eye lock system, giving me the confidence to pee freely knowing that no one's going to barge in. It felt like being wrapped in the embrace of a burly pirate. A bare bulb hangs garishly over a wood grain toilet seat, a memento from your grandparents' cabin. The flusher is a little soft, so be sure to depress it for a good couple seconds. But if your pee is as clear as mine by the time you break the seal, it doesn't really matter.

That's what I like to see

The sink is modern, sunken into the counter with a hygienic stack of tri-fold paper towels to the side. I suspect the unnaturally blue hand soap itself is some Amway brand, but it's in a fancy-looking bottle. Points for the effort. A mirror above the sink reflects back to a smaller mirror hanging above the toilet, if you need to see the back of your head to comb out the sex hair, or whatever the case may be.

Overall, the single stall is clean and female-friendly, the hand soap seems to work, and there's always toilet paper. For a sausage-fest bar with pinup girls all over the walls, the women's room is happily hospitable.

See their website here.

Rating: 7.4/10

The Grasshopper Cafe

While visiting family and friends for the holidays in historic Charlestown, MA, we happened upon a neighborhood restaurant called The Grasshopper Cafe. This charming establishment has all of the things I love about a small town restaurant:

-Upper middle aged wait staff with thick Boston accents who instantly make you feel like a regular
-All day breakfast menu (Yessss)
-Local produce/dairy suppliers
-Good Frickin' Food

Their large menu offers a little something for everyone, and practically everything can be ordered vegetarian (if you're into that sort of thing...) I myself had a veggie burger that was delicious, and their fries are home made. Duh.

After consuming my sizable lunch I felt that all too familiar pressure down south, indicating a need to use the lavatory. I don't know about you guys, but my digestive tract responds almost instantly upon eating a meal, making way for the new food to make the miracle journey from mouth, to stomach, to bowl. (obviously I glossed over some important steps in the middle there, but you get the point.)

I needed to ask where the restroom was, as it was tucked away down a back hallway that also leads to the kitchen. Depending on my mood, this can either add or dock points. I love the idea of a secluded place to work, but I also know that when it's time to get the job done, it needs to be done right away. The precious moments spent searching for the rest room could result in a humiliating public passing of gas, or worse, so I like to find the bowl as soon as humanly possible.

I was greeted by a single unisex commode, which, again, is hit or miss. If done right, the single bathroom is my favorite. If neglected, it's a nightmare. This bathroom, fortunately, falls in the favorite category. Delightfully decorated for the Christmas season, stuffed woodland creatures in Santa hats hung from every hook and knob, making spirits bright. A strategically placed potpourri Christmas tree sat in the corner filling the room with the light cent of cinnamon, cloves, and children's laughter. Toilet paper was your basic one ply, but these docket points were quickly made up for in its proximity to the kitchen, where the clattering of pots and pans easily covers any incriminating sounds.

The toilet, tile floor, and sink were quite clean, but for the standard bits of toilet paper and towel here and there. Nothing offensive. Everything from the toilet paper, to the towels, to the soap was full to the brim as though a Christmas elf had JUST replaced it before I walked in. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a single stall without paper products - there is NO ONE around to assist you.

The sink had a large slanted mirror that could be used as a full length by simply stepping backward toward the door. This is always a plus, as I like to make absolutely sure I'm in tip top condition before exiting the restroom.

I will most certainly return the next time I am in Boston!

Rating: 8/10

Reconnecting to the Poopiverse

Wow, guys. It's really been a while since we chatted. I wanted to send you an update and let you know that I have NOT abandoned you, forgotten you, or neglected to shit over the past few weeks. In all honesty, my shitting has likely been at an all time high this holiday season.

With Christmas and the New Year come and gone, I find myself back to the old routine. As we begin 2012 I solemnly vow to uphold my duty of producing dooty and letting you know how it all went.

Stay tuned, I'll be kicking it off with a review of a restaurant in Boston, MA, and the world's most bizarre poop facts!

Toilet Paper Crafts!

On a tight budget this Holiday season? Let The Poop Spot help you out with "Toilet Paper Crafts"

Holiday Toilet Tips

Happy Thanksgiving, poopers! On this special day, when food is the focus, the toilet is everyone's final destination. If you're hosting, this means that your bathroom needs as much attention as your dining room. Here are some tips for keeping this oft-overlooked room as tasteful as the rest of your home:

Keep the door lightly closed. Not all the way, of course, so people know that it isn't in use. But no one likes walking past the bathroom and catching a waft of Grandma's movement, especially if you'd like to retain your appetite.

Stock extra rolls of T.P. You wouldn't want to be stuck at your boyfriend's step-sister's uncle's house, screaming for another roll of tissue to any random relative walking past. Limited embarrassment is the name of the game here.

Don't spray it. Aerosol spray cans are not only tacky, but bad for the environment. They also rarely smell good to everyone. It's also painfully obvious that you've just dropped a deuce when the whole bathroom smells like baby powder and springtime mountains. Instead, a decorative bowl of some pungent potpourri will do the trick. Lemon has been rated as the most attractive scent - put one cup of straight lemon juice in a bowl and leave it on the counter for a pleasing fragrance. Cedar chips also do wonders. If you have the counter space, a fresh floral arrangement can often be all you need.

Don't neglect the linens. A soggy hand towel is offensive. There, I said it. If you have the means, a small stack of tri-fold paper towels are the safest bet.

Keep a plunger in the room. Dads and uncles frequently require plungers, and it's just one more thing that would be extremely embarrassing to ask the host/ess for. Discreetly stash one in the latrine for such critical moments.

Predict human behavior. People snoop - it's human nature. Hiding your condoms and crazy pills in the mirror cabinet above the sink is not a good plan.

Lighting, lighting, lighting. Nothing says classy like a well-lit bathroom. Something as simple as tea lights can cast a lovely glow even when no one's using the bathroom. Added bonus: An open flame neutralizes unwanted odors.

Follow our advice and you will have happy house guests for the holidays. Best of luck!

Eat Your Heart Out this Holiday Season!

Americans gobble up 46 million turkeys at Thanksgiving. That works out to almost 3 pounds of poultry per person who partakes in the feast, according to statistics from the National Turkey Federation. Come on, people, this is AMERICA. We can do better than that. Here are a few tips on how to maximize your food consumption this holiday season.
1.WRONG: Starving yourself in preparation: if you limit your food intake to lead up to the BIG meal, your stomach will shrink in size to accommodate for that empty space. Poop Spot Tip: eat many small meals/snacks throughout the day to keep yourself full at all times in the few days leading up to the feast. On the morning of the meal, have a small breakfast, and nibble on some crackers to tide you over before the games begin. Your stretched out tummy will be ready for action!
2.WRONG: Drinking lots of water throughout the meal. This may make your full stomach feel better, but it’s actually taking up a LOT more room in there than you’d think. Poop Spot Tip: Limit your liquid intake on the day of the meal, but be VERY liberal on your consumption of fluids in the days leading up to the meal. It’s an easy way to stretch that stomach!
3.WRONG: Eating Slowly: It takes your stomach approximately 20 minutes to communicate with your brain that you are full. Eating slowly allows for that message to be sent to the brain before you’re fully tapped out. Poop Spot Tip: Eating large portions quickly and then taking a break in between will allow you to consume much more– gotta eat what you can before your brain tells you to stop stuffin’ your face!
4.WRONG: Unbuttoning your pants when you feel full. Now, this is definitely a way to free up space, but we can do one better! Poop Spot Tip: Dresses, Skirts, and Expandable Waist Bands. Don’t EVER restrict your stomach’s ability to stretch by wearing form fitting or tight pants. Leave your jeans and belts at home, people. This is a place for spandex, cotton, and ever expanding waist bands. If you’re REALLY committed, you’ll do a little shopping in the maternity section of your local Target before the big day. Yes, I have actually done that.

Avoid too much salt! Is it delicious? YES. But it makes you retain water, which causes bloating and discomfort! This is counterproductive to your food mission.

All joking aside, we here at The Poop Spot want you to eat safely this Holiday season. DO NOT make yourself sick! Listen to your body. When it’s telling you to stop, STOP! And above all else- when it’s telling you to poop, poop. Then email us about it.

Jake O'Connor's, Excelsior, MN

This warm, dark, delicious little pub is located just down the street from the shore of Lake Minnetonka in the sleepy town of Excelsior, MN. This place is authentic in every detail. How can I tell? Because almost every piece of this bar was built by Irish Woodworkers and sent to be assembled here in Minnesota.

This place has one of those menu's where you can close your eyes and point and you'll be happy with wherever your finger lands. Old fashioned Irish Comfort food done right, 16 beers on tap (not just Guinness- remember, this is a REAL Irish pub!), and an ample selection of wine and spirits.

When you're done stuffing yourself with Irish delights, you'll likely need to take a trip to the toilet. If that's the case, then you are in for a treat. The first thing you'll notice upon entering is the pristine state of the entire room. The black ceramic tile on the floors and walls shines and sparkles without so much as a smudge. The mirrors are spotless and the lighting flattering without being so dim as to obstruct your view for reapplying make-up.

Each stall, if you can even call them stalls, is its own private room with a sturdy floor to ceiling wooden door. This is my absolute favorite restroom design. You can operate in total privacy without the chance of anyone hearing you. The stalls are separated from each other by thick walls, also lined with black ceramic tile. Add the piped in music and you could fart an aria and no one would hear a note.

I have to believe that this bathroom holds some ancient Irish magic inside its very walls. Even foul smells cannot survive here, as the captivating scent of homemade Irish cooking wafts in to silently defeat any foreign stench lingering within. Quite honestly, if I could take my meal in this bathroom, I would.

When you finish and make your way back over to the sink you'll be greeted by an ALWAYS stocked basket of plush disposable hand towels, a faucet that NEVER gets too hot, and a collection of old black and white photographs of staunch Irish grandmothers watching over you and certainly praying for your safe return to the outside world.

Jake O'Connor's, I give you the highest rating for your restrooms: 10/10

Jake O'Connor's Public House

Don't do it!

you have so much to live for!

So Remember, Always Keep in Mind, That Poop is Never Far Behind.

I'm for sure sending my kids to public school :)

World Toilet Day

The Poop Spot brings you news and reviews of toilets world wide, but did you know that nearly 2.6 Billion people live without the luxury of proper sanitation? Try to imagine for a moment a life without your bathroom, without clean running water. That is a reality for a huge portion of our world population.

November 19th is World Toilet Day- a day to raise awareness afor the growing number of people living without sanitation.

"In 2001 WTO declared 19th November World Toilet Day (WTD). Today it is celebrated in over 19 countries with over 51 events being hosted by various water and sanitation advocates.

World Toilet Organization created WTD to raise global awareness of the struggle 2.6 billion face every day without access to proper, clean sanitation.WTD also brings to the forefront the health, emotional and psychological consequences the poor endure as a result of inadequate sanitation.

WTD's popularity is gaining momentum, and in 2010 there were 51 events spanning 19 countries. Our "Big Squat" campaign generated 24 "Big Squats" globally and in Singapore over 600 squatters joined the cause in six locations island-wide. WTO would love to see our day become "The" event that represents the sanitation crisis globally, and we strongly encourage our members, volunteers, the community, media and partners to get behind our cause and support our day."

The World Toilet Organization is working hard to reverse this problem, and you can too!

follow them on twitter for updates on November 19th WORLD TOILET DAY! https://twitter.com/#!/worldtoiletday

A Circus of Toilet Style!

Consider the fact that an average person visits the toilet 2500 times a year, about six-eight times a day. You spend about three years of your life in the toilet! So, why not make that time a little more interesting with an exciting Novelty Pot? Maybe you can get a few ideas from the following photos!

Attention Campers!

This fabulous camping companion is one of the best ideas I've seen in years! This biodegradable porta-potty is the perfect way to bypass that nasty process of digging a hole to shit in when you're camping. Also, their marketing is adorable!



The Shit Box

These Guys Were Up Shit Creek!

This is a story from last week's Star Tribune - I hope these passengers didn't ask for extra hot sauce with their in-flight meal!

Toilet malfunction leaves travelers up in the air

Minnesotans who complained about full toilets on a trans-Atlantic flight say Continental was not exactly gracious about it.

Updated: October 15, 2011 - 7:08 PM

The flight attendants had served dinner, and only about two hours remained on the Continental Airlines nine-hour transatlantic flight when Gail Barnard-Boyum headed for the restroom.

"The toilet was full," recalled Barnard-Boyum, 66, of Peterson, Minn. "You could see the toilet paper. You could see the poop. I couldn't believe it because the smell was so disgusting."

Barnard-Boyum and 13 other Minnesotans were heading home Sept. 14 from Barcelona after a Mediterranean cruise. They discovered that all three toilets in coach class on Flight 121Y were backing up. Some passengers used them anyway. Others refused, and rushed off the plane to find a restroom when it landed in Newark, N.J.

"We were not happy with the experience," said Sharon Sorenson, 68, of St. Michael, Minn. "I am not anxious to fly Continental again."

When contacted by Whistleblower, United/Continental Airlines spokesman Charlie Hobart acknowledged the inconvenience by offering $100 vouchers to affected passengers.

If the toilet malfunction had happened while the plane was stuck on the runway, Continental might have been in violation of federal rules. But there's no similar rule for airplanes with toilet failures in flight.

"To me, it is a bad situation that hasn't been addressed," said Robert Brubaker of the American Restroom Association, a Baltimore-based advocacy group for toilet users.

Of the 14 Minnesotans on the flight, 11 were from Coldwater Creek Townhome Association in St. Michael, including Sharon McDonald, 69, who coordinated the trip. She said if there was an operating toilet, it was in first class, because none of the three in coach were operating. The sister of Barnard-Boyum, she said coach passengers were not allowed to go to the first-class section's toilet.

McDonald said one of the flight attendants told her the problem had happened before and that the toilets may not have been emptied before it took off from Barcelona.

But Hobart, the airline spokesman, said the toilets aboard the flight were properly serviced in Barcelona. All four lavatories on board were "fully functional" but three were filled by the time it landed in Newark, he said. "We understand this was a frustrating experience and it does not reflect what we aim to deliver to our customers," Hobart said.

Carol Menier, 64, said when she called to complain, Continental's representative was "rude" and expressed doubts that the toilets were full and that another passenger was offered a $100 voucher. She eventually got a voucher and said another customer service agent was "really great."

The toilet travail wasn't the first for a Continental transatlantic flight. In 2007, a toilet overflowed on a flight from Amsterdam to Newark, spilling sewage down the aisle, USA Today reported at the time.

Brubaker, of the restroom association, said occasionally he hears of commercial airliners with toilets that do not work. Toilet facilities are required for employees under federal labor regulations, so while flight attendants and pilots can complain to the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration, passengers have no recourse, he said. He said the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which has a mandate to protect public health, should step in.

The Federal Aviation Administration has no jurisdiction over airplane toilets, said Arlene Salac, an agency spokeswoman. She referred Whistleblower to the U.S. Department of Transportation.

Bill Mosley, a DOT spokesman, said there's a new consumer rule that requires carriers ensure lavatories are operable during long tarmac delays. But he said, "There is no federal regulation requiring working lavatories aboard aircraft in flight."

God Bless America and its Restroom Association

Check out this extremely informative and resourceful website of the American Restroom Association - "America's advocate for the availability of clean, safe, well-designed public bathrooms."

They have info on the World Toilet Summit and World Toilet Day (November 19th - mark your calendars!).

Here's their full mission statement - these folks know what they're talkin' about:

The American Restroom Association advocates for the availability of clean, safe, well designed public restrooms(1).  

Our scope of our mission includes:

• Restroom design and technology,
• Restroom availability and accessibility,
• Pertinent legislation and regulations, and
• Documenting the problems faced by people who hesitate to travel or who avoid activities that put them out of range of proper toilet facilities.

Our goals are to 

• Generate public relations campaigns that result in positive coverage by the press
• Address regulatory and legislative weakness
• Act as a health impact clearing house
• Survey and develop 'Municipal Friendliness Ratings'
• Communicate with other similar associations around the world
• Develop suggestions, brochures and suggested designs
• Serve as clearing house for companies and individuals promoting these products and designs
• Develop lines of communication with mall and building managers, architects, builders and other groups

OccupyBathroomStalls

There's another kind of sit-in happening at this very moment all over the country, one which also affects 99% of us. This article from thehairpin.com brings up an age-old controversy, one which must be brought into the conversation. Seriously, some of my most stressful minutes have been spent glaring at the girl in line ahead of me at some college town bar bathroom, spending her mental waves telling her she better f-ing hurry up in there or I'm going to lose it as crowds of drunk sorority sisters decide to all go in together and have some kind of fun pee party in there. I'll be honest, I'm not afraid to use the men's room (if it's a single stall), where there is NEVER a line. Why does it take us so long? The sitting down, the wiping, the checking ourselves out in the mirror before reaching for another paper towel to pull open the grimy bathroom door? We're trying to collect some explanations - send us an email and tell us why you think it takes women so much longer to go. Also tell us if you know what "Chtulu" is.

My whole life I have always wanted to know the answer to this question, silly as it may be: Why do women take so long in the bathroom? Are they maybe putting down toilet paper as a protective barrier, doing period-related things, or just enjoying the not-so peaceful moments of time in the ladies' room? Are there scientific studies for this sort of thing? I ask because of recent summer events where there is always broken bathrooms so everyone has to use just one, and the line is always a billion times longer than the guys' line, and I find myself wondering "Why didn't I get up earlier!? I should know by now that it takes at least 10 minutes to get through the line!" I usually try to get the deed done as fast as possible, as public bathrooms at rodeos are awful. But, Lady, why? I must know!

I have no fucking clue! My god, what is with that? I may be biased because I have gotten numerous compliments at bars for how fast I am in the restroom. Seriously, this has happened dozens of times, and my friends are constantly shocked at how fast I excuse myself for the restroom and return to the conversation. So this Lady might not be the right Lady to ask. However, an extremely scientific poll of fellow Ladies tells me that period stuff is one thing and "complicated clothing" is another, though skirts are the easiest thing to pee in and pants really aren't too hard. Are you peeing somewhere where everyone is wearing a romper? A third issue is ladies taking the time to wipe the seat because whoever was before them peed on it. I still have no idea how this happens. Ladies, please, what is it going to take you to stop peeing on the seat?

I can't find any studies about this, but a quick Google search about women and length of pee time actually brings up a fair amount of stuff about men taking longer to pee, so there's that. Related: Is it just me, or does this vaginal diagram on the Female Urination Wikipedia page look like Chtulu?

Now THAT'S Hospitality!

This photo was submitted to me by one of my oldest friends. Thanks for lookin' out, Sam!

This is the lady's room toilet at Nancy's Restaurant on Oak Bluffs Harbor in Martha's Vineyard. Just a lovely place to have a sunset dinner.



You'll notice that the seat is extra large. Much larger than the toilet bowl itself. This decision was made not for aesthetic appeal, but to accommodate the back sides of the restaurant's larger patrons.

Thank You, Nancy's, for thinking of those who are hindered by a sizable back side.

Famous Dave's, Minnetonka, MN

^^We ordered this. It's called: The Feast. It is f-ing awesome.^^

DAMN this was delicious. I had not been to a Famous Dave's in AGES. Is it the best BBQ around? Not by a landslide, but once in a while it really hits the spot. The Minnetonka branch of this franchise is sizable, and being a BBQ joint, having a poop friendly bathroom is a MUST. This place did not let me down.

First of all, it's marked by an enormous sign that can be seen from almost every corner of the restaurant. This is key. When it comes to spicy BBQ, when that urge hits you, there isn't much time. The bathroom has 3 stalls: 2 standard and 1 handicapped. A restaurant this size, in my opinion, should have at least 4, but I didn't let that knock off points.

The room was decorated with a Pocahontas theme set in a serene forest. Sweet renderings of Native American Princesses dipping their toes in a cool stream with deer lapping at the water near by... It was like having woodland Goddesses watch over you as you piss. The music from the restaurant was piped in, which I always love. It sets the tone, and covers up undesirable sounds.

The toilet was incredibly clean and well stocked with 2 full rolls of TP in the dispenser. The seat was plastic, not ceramic, so it wasn't shockingly cold to sit on like an old industrial toilet often is. Not a drop of pee, or other excrement, could be found on this seat. Also, there was a hook for hanging my purse, which just makes my day every time.

When I was finished and ready to wash up I was thrilled to be met by a completely automated hands free sink area. The faucet, soap, and towel dispenser were all motion activated, saving your clean hands from having to touch anything. This was a bit counter productive, however, because both the stall doors and the bathroom door open in, which requires you to put your hand on the door handle to get out. This is an issue because "less than one third of men and two thirds of women wash their hands with soap after going to the toilet." (British study by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine) I am not a germaphobe by any means, but I still think about how many unwashed poopy hands must touch a bathroom door in a popular restaurant, or public restroom on a daily basis.

I was also pleased to hear a good review of the men's room upon returning to my table. The urinal is a single flanked by two stalls to provide maximum privacy and eliminate the possibility of a man lacking any kind of urinal etiquette from pissing right next to you. My dinner mate was quoted to have said he "felt safe" because of this set up.

Rating: 8.5/10

Jet Set, Minneapolis

This, my friends, is my all time favorite bar. It has all of my favorite things: Gays, Dancing, and GENEROUS pours. Getting my boyfriend drunk enough to take off his shirt while sending gay men over to get his number is also a favorite game of mine.

Jet Set Bar

This bar is always clean, the music is always great, and the crowd is always fun. If you're lucky, you can catch the local weatherman Sven dancing in all of his tiny glory with his adoring fans.

As far as bar restrooms go, this one is actually very impressive. It is located in the back of the bar, which does cause some issues with navigating crowds. The sink area is outside of the restrooms, so there isn't much crowding around where you're doing your business. Open the door to find a single stall with a plush little stool outside of it. Now, this can be great or terrible. Great: If you don't like to go into a bar bathroom alone there is a place for your gal pal to sit while you go. Terrible: If you're in there by yourself and a stranger comes in and decides to wait sitting on that stool while you're trying to relieve yourself.

The restroom itself is always clean and well stocked. I have to attribute some of this to the fact that I am often one of very few women actually in the bar. That said, however, I am glad that this restroom is not neglected. Jet Set is catering to the needs of all of its patrons, and for that I am grateful.

The restroom is juxtaposed right behind the DJ booth, so the loud bumping music and base will mask 99% of sounds emitted during your visit. This is always a points booster for me, as I am living in constant fear of ripping a large fart on the bowl that echoes through the silence and reaches the ears of everyone within a 5 mile radius. I know this is a little unreasonable, but most phobias are. (PS: If you know the term for Fear of Farting, please submit to thepoopspot@gmail.com!)

Overall Rating: 8.5/10